Unhappiness is like gone off milk!

Unhappiness is like gone off milk!

I met Laura at a business course, she’s 24 and is contemplating starting her own business. As the day goes on, I can see her feeling more and more intimidated by the confident characters around her. I feel as though she will not return after lunch, she will use the break as an escape and slide back into the darkness of the ‘complicated’ routine she calls life. She is the type of lady who is the life and soul of the party and has loads of friends, she’s amazing, when she’s there, but she’s not there, she’s here… 

At lunch we go to the local restaurant, I go through my ‘Star of Life’ activity with her to gage the areas of her life she feels cause her most difficulty.

I observe her star, many low scores, I process the results in my head and say “ok we don’t have long left, so, from everything you’ve said, I think we need to delve into you relationship side, as once you feel better about that, all of the other things on your list will start to rise by default.”

She agrees and we spend the remaining 15 minutes and the walk back to the course discussing her relationships in more detail.

The feedback:

“It was great, you can really break down what others can’t see! I knew all of this stuff, but it was too much in my head. Therefore, the way that you break it down is amazing!! Thank you!! I feel more positive, like I shouldn’t get overwhelmed, you understand me and help me reflect… About all the relationship stuff, it made me realise that if something’s not making you happy, it’s like gone off milk. So open the lid, pour it down the sink. It put things into perspective for me and I need to focus on what makes me happy. I’m totally over him. It may sound crazy, but I’m like that. When I make up my mind, it’s made. When you’re trying to be positive, you don’t need the negative. Today is the start of my life.

Beaten & Bruised 19 year old turns her life around

Beaten & Bruised 19 year old turns her life around

Jemma, 19, lives in supported housing in a deprived London Borough. She was kicked out of school at an early age for ‘attacking’ a teacher. At 17 she enrolled into college, but later was deregistered; she preferred to spend time with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a cocaine dealer and is mentally and physically abusive to Jemma. Jemma drinks a bottle of vodka to herself a few times a week. Last week she was taken to hospital to have her stomach pumped, she stopped breathing while they attended to her. They were able to revive her. Jemma was referred to us by her Housing Manager in 2013. She took up the 1-2-1 Personal Coaching Course

Social issues identified:

  • Domestic violence
  • Low self esteem
  • Lack of confidence
  • Binge drinking
  • Low education
  • No motivation
  • Bad influence from peers

The Sessions

  • By the end of Session 1 Jemma felt embarrassed, upset, angry, disappointed and was keen to change her current path. She agreed to commit to the project
  • By session 3 Jemma was more confident and showed genuine understanding of how, why and when she had gone ‘wrong’ in the past, she took ownership
  • By session 4 Jemma had re-enrolled into college, she revealed an ambition that she never believed could come true; we showed her steps towards making that dream a reality…
  • By session 7 we had a relapse, the ex-boyfriend was back in contact. Jemma was confused but still determined, so we looked at the positive steps she could take to prevent him getting in touch with her.
  • By session 9 Jemma was back on track, she gained 81% in a mock exam after spending most of her time revising as opposed to drinking
  • By the end of the 12-week program, Jemma was more confident, had a more positive outlook, was applying for an apprenticeship, was happy working on building herself up and not wanting another relationship until she was ready….

Course Feedback

We asked Jemma’s caseworker how she felt Jemma had improved in the following: 

  1. Self Improvement: “Jemma has now improved how she dresses, keeps her flat clean, and makes positive plans for the future”
  2. Personal Development: ” Jemma has now completed three courses and been offered a job, she also started college for level 3 childcare.”
  3. Happiness: Jemma seems happy in herself despite a small setback with ex-boyfriend, she has taken him to court and has taken an injunction out on him. She has now met a new boyfriend and is happy, he treats her well.”
  4. Confidence: “Jemma’s confidence has improved and she is much more outgoing and has now become an ambassador for the housing project, she meets and greets the new customers that are moving in.”

“The moment she realised that what she did was wrong was brilliant, you could see the realisation on her face, after all those years she could finally see it” – Jemma’s Caseworker “

“What have you done to her? Every time she comes out of a session with you she’s so happy, skipping along the corridors, I’ve never seen her like that before” – Housing Project Manager

“Thank you for everything, I couldn’t have done it without you, I feel so much better now, I feel so dumb for it but, at least I can move on… I just want to make my mum proud” – Jemma

“I am super proud of Jemma, she made masses of improvement, I’ll never forget when she walked in and said she’d enrolled in college, I was so shocked but so happy for her, that threw my lesson plan right out of the window! She’s a good girl with a good heart who just allowed herself to fall off the rails, as with many young people, once you show them their choices, they tend to make the right one” – Scarlet Gabriel, Coach

At Scarlet Workshops, we aim to engage, challenge, entertain and provoke a fundamental reassessment of our tolerance and acceptance of things that harm us and stunt our personal growth. We explore positive relationships and effective communication as well as pointing out the importance of making the right choices and taking control of your own life.

Where is she now (2014):

  • Jemma is no longer in supported housing and lives in her flat.
  • Jemma is working and happy.
  • Jemma scheduled a meeting with Scarlet as she felt she needed a little boost
  • Jemma and Scarlet still catch up every now and then
Not so boring budgeting

Not so boring budgeting

Not so boring budgeting 

As part of a 4-month bespoke course, I decided that budgeting was something that definitely needed to be included. Through our 1-2-1 sessions 90% of the young people mentioned they are either bad at managing their money or would like some extra assistance. Most people were happy to come in and get started, but Tom, 23, needed a bit more convincing:

Tom: “I don’t want to do budgeting, I’ve done it so many times man, I don’t get it, it’s boring”

Scarlet: “have you ever done budgeting with me though?… ok then, in you come and let me know how you feel afterwards”

The session was compiled of a step-by-step guide to understanding our relationship and the uses of money before we even looked at the budgeting aspect.

Key works were used, broken down, explained.

Worksheets were completed as a group, in pairs, as individuals and from discussions we’ve had.

When the session ended 2 hours later, Tom asked if he could stay behind.

We then went through his personal budget as he didn’t want to do it in front of everyone. We pointed out that his outgoings were exceeding his income and he already had two debts to pay off. I explained how easy it is to get into debt in a situation like his, where he spends more than he earns. He agreed.

We then looked at his expenses one by one and questioned if he could reduce them in any way. We found a few items that he could live without or cut back on and we made a note of the savings.

Tom: ” I didn’t realise that I spent that much, yeah I need to cut back on a lot of things”

Scarlet: “Budgeting’s not so bad after all eh (with smug face intact) “

Tom: “Whatever (laughs)… thanks miss”

“You could have shattered my confidence”

“You could have shattered my confidence”

Meet Jess.

Jess is professional dancer who avoids auditions for ‘singer/dancer’ roles as she feels her voice isn’t good enough. She lacks the confidence to perform a song in public but would like to surprise her mother when she visits her next month, so she asked for a private singing lesson.

Consultation Stage – I ask Jess to speak to me about her singing goals.

Jess; “I’m what you’d call a bedroom singer, I’m so used to dancing with my body, I know if I move my muscle in that way it’s gonna do that, but with singing it’s completely different – I have no idea what’s going to come out of my mouth. I’m not saying I’m ever going to be a proper singer but, as a dancer, if I could go to an audition and just sing in tune and sound good that’s all I needed. It was a lack of confidence that stopped me doing singing lessons, stopped me doing auditions, and I think it’s time I face my fear.

Jess after 15 Minutes

“The fact that I’ve just got up here and sang for you is a big step for me. It’s made me feel more confident. You’re just easy to sing for and, after the first time, it was just easy to do again and again and again. We’ve only had 15 minutes and already I’d say I feel about 100 times more confident. I would probably now be able to say ok, this person can come in and I’ll sing in front of them too and that’s only after 15 minutes.”

Jess after 30 minutes

“When I first walked in I’d say I was 10% confident, ‘cause I knew the words of the song and nothing else and, when I got up and sang, I had sweaty palms. What was nice was, you were like, ‘right I’m not gonna look at you the first time you sing.’ That really helped me. I thought, right, she’s not gonna look at me, I’ll just look over there and get on with it.”

Jess by the end of the 1 hour session

“I really liked it when you gave me notes and said ‘right this is what we’re going to work on.’ You didn’t say, ‘right this is what you’re doing wrong.’ I’ve had that before, so it made me think, well maybe I’m not that bad. You gave me the confidence because you said, ‘right we’re gonna work on this bit, were gonna nail that bit,’ so I was like ‘right ok, yeah I can do that!’

‘I think someone like you has got such responsibility, in that if you said it to me in the wrong way, you could have shattered my confidence. I really feel like now, after another hour with you, I’d be able to get up and sing this song! I really noticed as well, like with the breathing, I would normally just sing along, but you don’t think about things like that and, even just singing the chorus, just using my breath made me feel more in control. I really want to do more lessons and keep going. The lesson was excellent! you’ve got a natural way of building people’s confidence”

What happened next

Jess came for one more session and then performed for her mother and an audience of approximately 200 people. This was her first ever public performance. She was great, it was a pleasure to watch, I felt like a proud big sis. Her mum cried with pride!

How can I support YOU?

If any part of Jess story is familiar to you, fancy a session?  Click here for more info on my 1- off Performance Masterclass sessions, currently £25. Let me help you ‘Thrive at Live’ performance like I helped Jess.


Case study and testimonial from 2014. Prices correct at time of print (June 21) and subject to change. Full Thrive programme available, please discuss at time of booking.

Kiss My Confidence™

Kiss My Confidence™

July is all about confidence. It’s summertime – time to be confident and let yourself shine!! Mind, body and Soul. Time to tap into that beautiful self-love of yours and celebrate the beautiful being that is you!!

Having confidence doesn’t mean that everything in your life is swimming along perfectly. Besides, what is perfect? To be confident doesn’t have to mean that your bank balance is healthy or that you are no longer in debt or that there are no troubles in your relationship or with your health etc. etc.

No, to be confident is to embrace self-acceptance.

Allow yourself to feel the easy ebb and flow of a summer breeze and to accept yourself in the present moment, to embrace all that you are and all the potential that you can become. Confidence is accepting that everything is exactly as it should be.

Go easy on yourself and be present.

Allow your confidence to shine and let you thrive through all of the stages that take you to completing your goals and beyond. You deserve every moment of your journey, so celebrate with confidence every step of the way.

Let July remind you that floating on the summer breeze can be a daily practice of bringing joy into your life and flowing through life’s up’s and down’s with constant confidence that you can ride the waves instead of resisting them.

Yes – we have goals and goals are important – they give us direction to grow and create beautiful abundance in our lives – but let us not forget that life is a journey, not a destination.

Therefore, we may be pursuing an end goal, but it is the journey to that goal that provides us with beautiful growth, life experience and infinite wisdom.

If you are not happy in the present moment, then you are not happy with life, as life is happening in the now. So, have the confidence to celebrate all that you are in this present moment, along with all that you will become as you grown and learn along the way.

If you want to expand on anything in this blog or just want to pick my brain on something  “DM me and receive personalised feedback on your query. Just fill in a quick form and I’ll get back to you with my thoughts xx

Love Scarlet xx